❤️Love, MidoriLei

3 actually fun things to do with your preteen kids (that you’ll enjoy too)

That’s a preteen hand photobombing my selfie 😆

There’s that age when kids outgrow mostly all their toys besides the occasional leggo build, and it’s just screen time or doing fun things with friends that’s left. Are you in that season too?

If you’re anything like me and you’d rather stare at paint drying than do most kid related activities with your kids, listen up. This is for you. I vouch for these activities because I actually enjoy them!

The everyone draw a part of the person game

Here’s how you play! This game works best with three players. You fold the paper in three parts. Nobody can see what someone else draws until the reveal at the end. Someone draws the head and neck on the first part of the paper, and they must draw the neck a little into the second part of the paper so the second person can connect it to the midsection of the body. When the first person is done, they flip the page and give the piece of paper for the second person to draw the arms and midsection. When the second person is done, they draw a little bit of the legs on the third part of the paper to get the third person connected to the body, and the third person draws legs and feet. Once the third person is done, you do the big reveal and laughter ensues!

The most fun cookie to bake with your kids

My kids love making these peanut butter and chocolate blossom cookies! More fun than a regular cookie because you roll each cookie into a circle with your hands and smash the Hershey’s Kisses in the center. There’s something so satisfying about doing that. They are also delish.

The board games I actually love that they are old enough to play

My top 4 games right now to play with preteens are Blokus, Tsuro, Catan, and Rummikub. Blokus and Tsuro are super duper easy to teach and play – even a 5 year old can play, but it’s still fun for adults! Catan is a very long game but there’s building and trading, so it’s very interactive and engaging. Rummikub has to do with finding patterns and is a quieter thinking game but still really fun.

Have you done any of these things with your preteens? What do you like to do to spend quality time with your preteens? I’d love to know!

If you don’t marry a man who’s BORING, you’re doing it wrong.

My BEST piece of relationship advice from someone who wrote a relationship column for ten years, wrote a relationship book for teenage girls, and has been happily married for fifteen years-

If you don’t marry a man who’s (errs on the side of) BORING, you’re doing it wrong.

You know what’s boring?

Responsible is boring — takes duties and actions seriously

Slow to anger is boring— not easily angered

Reliable is boring — can be trusted to work well consistently

Dutiful is boring — can be counted on

Calm is boring — emotionally steady, not anxious

Even-keeled is boring— stable temperament

Unflappable is boring— not easily upset or stressed

Composed is boring— controlled and self-possessed

Secure is boring — psychologically stable, not anxious/insecure

Stable is boring — emotionally consistent

Relaxed is boring — low tension or worry

Self-assured is boring— confident without anxiety

Resilient is boring — recovers well from stress

Phlegmatic is boring— calm temperament

Well-adjusted is boring — psychologically healthy and functional

Date exciting, fine. But please, please, please, if you want an amazing life, marry boring.

20 things that are, unfortunately, worth it

I am notoriously an “under buyer,” and minimalist, so when I make any kind of suggestion to purchase something, it has been tried and tested for decades! Here are things that are very worth it for me-

If you’re in the Seattle area and like super deep massages, ask for Andy at Sole Relax in Kirkland!

1. Foot massages. Because did you know that $45 hour long “foot” massage is actually a full body massage by a guy who is a probably a strong robot in disguise who doesn’t stop, not even for a second, the entire time and gives it is all?!

2. Dry shampoo in powder form applied using a fluffy brush. I’ve tried them all. This one allows me to go SEVEN days and doesn’t leave my hair gritty feeling.

3. Merino wool socks that don’t twist and turn all day leaving me trying to figure out the puzzle of which side is up and which side is down. Because my feet are always cold.

4. Hand sanitizer in pump form to permanently sit in my car’s cup holders and another one in the kid’s cup holders. Because it’s the first thing we always do when we come from anywhere outside of the home. Because nobody has time to be sick.

5. This back massager. I’ve tried so many, and I’ve bought this one twice (the kids broke it once) because it’s really precise and accurate. Don’t even tease me with it weak vibrations. I need my knots worked. I’ve also bought it as a gift. After theirs broke because my friend decided it was a good idea to use it while laying down, they bought it again.

6. Sunscreen applied every day of the year unless you need a flashlight. Because preventing lines is easier than fixing lines. This gel one is my favorite.

7. Wash cloths. Because they clean way better than any pouf, and I can reach my back better holding onto opposite ends and twisting it.

8. Paula’s Choice BHA– because I want smooth, glass-like skin, and nothing besides retinol has made me glow like this product.

9. A microfiber hair towel that stays put. Because drying hair takes up too much precious time as it is and this not only speeds up the process, but I don’t have to remake my turban 20 times.

10. Sticky nipple covers. Because who cares if they aren’t perky any more?! I want coverage, no back lines, and no digging straps.

11. Fancy floss. Because once I tried these, I could never go back realizing my old stuff didn’t do much. I’ve converted several friends!

12. A fluffy eyeshadow brush to apply concealer. I’ve give up foundation all together and use way less product. I used to be a makeup artist, and I’ve tried every way to put on concealer- concealer brush, fingers, sponge, beauty blender. This is the best and once I tried it, I was amazed how much coverage I got with so little product.

13. A bunch of tiny bowls to make cooking more enjoyable. Because I hate using a big cereal bowl as placeholders for my spices and flour while I’m making a recipe.

14. A cute summer hat. Because everyone always compliments this hat, and it makes every single summer outfit fashionable and protects my eyes and face from the sun all summer!

15. Cute white summer sandals made in Europe. Because it goes with every summer outfit and Europeans know what it means to walk around comfortably.

16. A go to cute small purse that just holds my keys, wallet, and phone. Because most of the time, that’s all I need anyway. You don’t want to go much larger than 9×5 for this.

17. Prescription stylish glasses, to protect my eyes from the sun and actually see clearly. My favorite shape!

18. Some kind of retinol. Because if it’s not this or BHA, it doesn’t actually do anything. These peels were my first foray into the world of chemical peels instead of physical exfoliation and they do not disappoint!

19. A signature fragrance. So all the little girls think of me when they smell my scent after I’ve left the bathroom at co-op, my ex still gets reminded of me when he smells my scent, and my kids will associate the scent with me their entire lives even after I pass.

20. A Netflix subscription. Because it’s less than 10 bucks, has the best options, and they have finally caught on that I’m not in the household of the two friends whose login I’ve been using. 😂

How about you?! What are some things you buy over and over again and are definitely worth it? I’d love to know!

4 things that have made life more streamlined, more meaningful, more fun, and more delightful lately

I have renewed my commitment to waking up early, so today, I got up with Nate at 5 am, and after my prayer and Bible reading time, I’m writing! Life in the Heckman household has been hard the last week with both boys getting sick back to back, and as it is, there are so many bad things happening in the world. So, I wanted to do a little post to help share some things currently making more streamlined, meaningful, fun, and delightful as of late.

More delightful- This movie

I love a movie I can enjoy with Nate and then immediately text my mother-in-law, “You gotta watch this movie!” This is one of those kinds of movies. Thanks to my friend Tory for the suggestion! Side note- I love having a friend who has the exact same taste in movies and series as me. Anytime we like a movie or show, we text each other. It’s one of the small, quiet glimmers of having a girl friend who shares something in common with you. Speaking of friendship…

More meaningful- This podcast

This podcast episode delves deep into the benefits of friendship, the different kinds of friendships, and most importantly, ways to be a better friend and deepen your friendships. I don’t typically like podcasts where just one person is talking to the audience, but Arthur Brooks is the exception. As a Harvard professor, he does his podcasts like a lecture, being very science-based, well-researched, and organized. You can tell his podcasts are outlined, and he’s not just talking in stream of consciousness. He gets straight to the point and speaks quickly and persuasively. I love all his work.

More fun- This activity

How cute is this idea! My kids are constantly giving me tiny little flowers that I never know what to do with, and this is the perfect whimsical solution!

More streamlined- This chore/schoolwork system

Ok first, God is so good because unbeknownst to me, I married someone who is constantly improving my life on his own initiative.

Remember my sad chore chart?

I had to erase things and rewrite things every night because not every chore or schoolwork item happened everyday. Well, Nate is a genius. He wrote every possible option in wet erase marker (harder to remove) and then in dry erase marker (easier to remove) I just have to outline in red or blue (on the left side) so the boys know it’s something that needs to be done that day. Then they just fill in the square when they’ve completed it. If the item isn’t framed in red or blue, it’s not something that needs to be done that day.

I guess the point is to marry someone who makes your life infinitely easier, not harder! 😂🥰Love this meme-

So true!!

So what’s making your week better? I’d love to know!

Mother’s Day, what makes the best compliments, and a funny shirt

The best compliments are specific! This was my favorite Mother’s Day card I’ve received in the 10 years I’ve been a mom, because it was so specific. 🥹

“Thank you mom for being outgoing, thank you mom for having some humor, and thank you mom for keeping me safe.”

If you’re a mom, how was your Mother’s Day? Did you celebrate your mom?

My 7 year old son, Luke, wore this shirt all day and it made me chuckle. 🤭

He also had a very sweet card.

Since I homeschool my boys and they are young and in my business 24/7 😂, I like to get away on Mother’s Day. So this year it was a hike with new friends and a lunch date with my brother. Nate got me a new robe I’m loving from Amazon. Apparently my current robe is too short. Oops. Hope you’re having a great start to your week, and thanks for reading!

New neighbors, rhubarb cake, and what I want to spend my life doing

Last month I took some time off writing to focus on our move! We just moved end of April to a sleepy seaside town filled with lots of friendly retired folks. Within the first three days, we already knew the neighborhood gossip, got invited to the ladies’ weekday 8 am walking group, the neighborhood church potluck and Bible study, and met several neighbors.

Sophie, a Chinese widow who runs a language school, lives behind us, paid my kids $1 to weed her yard, and comes over unannounced with rhubarb from her garden.

I love neighbors who come over unannounced. Those are my favorite kinds of neighbors.

Because I have her rhubarb, I feel the need to make her a rhubarb cake to show her my appreciation. Do I ever buy rhubarb? Have I ever made anything with rhubarb? No.

But do I have rhubarb cake in my oven currently? I do. It made me think, is life just a series of kindnesses and obligatory gestures we end up calling friendships because deep down we know if we don’t stay connected to each other, we will go crazy?

In an age when Facebook likes have replaced tea at our neighbor’s kitchen counters, I will try my hardest to preserve the IRL friendships.

I know it’s a luxury not many can indulge in, but my goal to see a friend every day is usually the highlight of my days. I’ve watched a woman focus solely on her husband and family her entire life, and friends, it is not enough.

I don’t know if the two are correlated but that woman got a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s in her early 60s. No friends ever came over. No unannounced neighbors ever stopped by.

Indeed it may be correlated, as research shows that the number one predictor of longevity has less to do with lifestyle choices and more to do with relationships, community, and connectedness.

Friendships and strong bonds make us happier and help us live longer. I don’t know all the science behind it, but when I have spent time with a good friend/s, it fills my soul like nothing else in the world.

I was hiking with a friend one day who is a world traveler. She told me, “I just want to spend my life looking at beautiful things.” I always see her face light up when she talks about her adventures. I can’t relate to this love of travel, but I can relate to finding that thing, or those things that make you just come alive. Since then I’ve been asking myself the same question. What do I want to spend my life doing? And here’s what Ive come up with.

I want to spend my life making and deepening friendships, moving my body, writing about things that make people’s lives better, and making beautiful spaces.

What do you want to spend your life doing?

One of my favorite recent quotes is commonly attributed to Irenaeus, an early Christian theologian and bishop of Lyons.

The best-known version is:

“The glory of God is a human being fully alive.”

Maybe that’s the essence of this question -what do you want to spend your life doing. So, what makes you feel like you’re fully alive?? I’d love to know!

What are your go to vegetable side recipes?? Here are mine

I know every home cook has her handful. You know, the recipes you go to over and over again because you’re making a zucchini side, a Brussels sprouts side, or a cucumber side dish. I need help with eggplant! Here are my go tos when I’m making…

Brussels sprouts-

The secret to amazing Brussels sprouts is that ever single half needs a char! No ands, ifs, or buts. You’ll never do it any other way if you try this recipe. Remember if there’s a paywall, just post the recipe link to justtherecipe.com.

Zucchini-

Because I love this grilled zucchini do much, I’ve put this recipe on every vegetable you can think of.

Cucumber-

If I’m making an Asian dish, I’m most likely making this cucumber side.

Kale-

My favorite kale salad recipe!

Ok friends I need help with eggplant, bok choy, broccoli, cauliflower or any other vegetable I didn’t mention!

If I’m craving an Asian chicken dish, this is my go to recipe because it’s the best I’ve ever tried to make!

I don’t say something is “the best” very lightly! I found this amazing recipe on tik tok with 447.3k likes and it does NOT disappoint! The only thing I do different is I use this vegan oyster sauce (I’m allergic to shellfish and this is the best tasting vegan version I’ve tried), I salt and pepper to taste instead of use the salt quantities he recommends (too salty for my taste) and I use bone in chicken thighs so I get that yummy crispy skin. See below!

Also, I’ll add some broccoli since I’m an adult and don’t eat a meal without a fruit or vegetable. 🤣Look how the sauce caramelizes.

And my kids are as obsessed as I am. That is the true test of a repeat worthy meal for me!

I’ve tried the cucumber recipe they also suggest but didn’t like it. I really love this one instead.

I’ve made this may times! Above is with boneless skinless chicken thighs. Let me know if you try it and what you think!

What I did on my staycation (and loved)

As per my last article talking about alternatives to retirement, last week I took a week off.

To be honest, it feels more difficult and unnatural for me to take time off. I’m someone who likes to stay busy, have a routine, and check things off my to-do list. But what I’ve learned for myself is that discipline isn’t just being able to do the things I want to do, it’s also doing the things I need to do but have a hard time doing, like resting.

For me, scheduled rest is a spiritual discipline.

The problem with rest for me is the lack of structure and expectation. I don’t know what to do with myself, and because of that, I end up resorting to mindless binge watching of tv shows or scrolling my phone for hours watching short reel after reel. After that I feel more drained than I do restored.

If you’re anything like me and you thrive on days that have some structure and expectations,

Figuring out what to do on your staycation is a lesson in getting to know yourself better

I’d ask yourself the first question-

What are your three favorite activities of all time?

I ask this to all my friends! I also asked this of myself. Of all the people I’ve asked, no two people have said the same thing. Here are my top three things in order

Getting massages
Eating out with friends
Watching a romantic comedy or drama

Because I knew this about myself, I made it a top priority to schedule all these three things in my week. That gave my week some structure and some things to look forward to. I scheduled a foot massage, a lunch date with my brother, and watched a new movie.

Asking yourself what your top favorite activities are of all time might seem like such a silly question, but everyone I’ve ever asked has had to stop and think about it. We don’t know ourselves as much as we think we do.

Another thing I knew about myself is that I also love exercising with friends. Because I knew this about myself, I scheduled a hike with a friend and hot yoga with another friend. We also sat at Starbucks and enjoyed a hot tea while we caught up on life.

I also thrive on deepening my relationships. That brings me so much joy since quality time is one of my top love languages and I’m 100% extrovert. Nate and I got some Cuban food and had a date day while the kids were watched by our neighbors.

I also love board games so I played a lot of Catan with my family (my favorite family game) and Dutch Blitz with Nate, which by the way is my favorite 2 person game! Lost Cities is a close second.

I am a big foodie, and with so much free time, I made a lot of food! I made Arroz Caldo.

The toppings are everything you guys!

Hard boiled eggs

Green onions

Fried garlic

Cilantro

This garlic chili sauce

I also made a salmon bang bang bowl that was a hit with my family…

I also roasted two whole chickens, made chicken noodle soup, and made beef ribs. I made steak, mashed potatoes and asparagus.

I made fried fish with a lentil rice.

I made our favorite pancake recipe from the kid’s book “Nate the Great.”

I made chicken pot pie since we had so much roasted chicken! I cooked a lot.

I also did some beauty stuff since I’m into all that girly stuff including paint my nails with my favorite color and dye my roots.

I also went to Nordstrom Rack and browsed clothes and shoes and got a much needed pair of combat boots to replace my worn pair.

I also listened to this cute book on tape-

And lastly, I took a lot of guilt free, any time of the day, naps.

Have you ever taken a staycation? What did you do during that time? How long did you do it for? I’d love to know!

I don’t believe in retirement, and this is what I’m doing instead

My brother, dad, and I in London. My dad is retired from nursing but runs a farm in the Philippines full time with weekly sabbath breaks and periodical travel adventures.

This is a second part series. You can read the first part here- Why I don’t believe in retirement.

So if I don’t believe in retirement, what will I do instead? In the first part of this series, I talked about how instead of retirement…

I believe in rest that repeats

This rest restores us so we can work again.

This idea below isn’t a Biblical model, but it follows the principle of rest that repeats. This is my goal for rest that I will try to follow for the rest of my life instead of waiting for retirement-

Every 7 days, I will take one day to rest.

Every 7 weeks, I will take one week to rest.

Every 7 months, I will take one month to rest.

Every 7 years, I will take one year to rest.

I will do this until the day I die.

This is just an example of a different alternative way to live a life that doesn’t have retirement as an end goal.

I believe In work that changes shape

I believe in staying engaged, even gently, for as long as we’re here. For Nate this might mean retiring from his 9-5 and setting up a foundation to help young folks learn about the trade he worked in his whole life- carpentry. It might mean flipping houses or doing habitat for humanity. The point is that he’ll still work, but he’ll choose his work and his hours. He’ll fulfill his calling.

What is a person’s calling? I made this video about it here.

For me, I will continue to do all the things that spark my interest – home decor, writing, fashion, etc. I may teach an English writing class that focuses on helping students get to know themselves better. I will focus on work that feels meaningful to me.

What does it mean to have meaningful work? I made a video about meaningful work here.

So I just took a week off last week as per my “every 7 weeks, take 1 week off” rhythm of rest and I did a little staycation at home that I’ll write about tomorrow. What do you think of this alternative model to retirement? I’d love to know!